are you sure God?

Well, as most people already know, Josh and I are expecting our first child in March 2011. As we've been trying to find out way through first shock, then denial and now acceptance we've learned to depend even more on God. I know it sounds so cliche, but honestly, this new addition has turned our world upsidedown and he/she hasn't even been born yet!

We were not planning on having a baby at all. Maybe in another year or so we'd CONSIDER it, but the idea of starting a family was not in our plan. SO we've had to learn to accept and follow God's plan for us, and it hasn't been easy, not do we expect it to become any easier.

Our biggest problem at first was that I was not on health insurance. Now that I am pregnant, I have what insurances call a "pre-existing condition" and no one wants to take me on. The only company that might is Medicaid but we have to be careful because there are certain low income benefits that I am not allowed to partake in. (Its all part of an agreement with the Government when I received my Green Card.) Thankfully, the hospital has been extremely kind and understanding of our situation, and has explained EVERYTHING to us, money wise. In the long run, giving birth is not that expensive, but it is an expensive one time fee! LOL We have a few options at the moment, and we are just trying to find God's voice as to were He wants us to go.

Our next biggest problem is that we are not quite ready to give up our youthly freedom. I know, I know, it sounds incredibly selfish to say it, but its the truth. We now have to think about the future and plan for this child, and its needs. I know Josh struggles with this, but he's been very supportive and positive about it all which is helping me grow up and take responsibility. I've been having lots of little tantrums about how I feel so sick and I didn't want to get pregnant, and how I can't have my beloved coffee or chocolate, and blah blah blah. I honestly do not know how my husband put up with it. But recently it struck me that Josh and I have been given a gift from God, and who am I to complain? I have always wanted children, so why should I have tantrums when God has given me the ultimate gift: a family of my own?

So I'm trying really hard to be positive and appreciative. Some days I'm good, and some days I deserve a good spanking! Our good friend Debby Young gave me a devotional book called "Praying Through Your Pregnancy" and it has helped me connect to this child and pray for him/her. One silly little thing that has helped is that my stomach is definitely getting bigger and instead of being "pudgy-soft" its getting hard...almost as if my abs are getting fat. LOL. Its a constant reminder of the gift God has given Josh and I.