"the four of us", it's got a nice ring to it

 

We've now been a family of 4 for 7 months.  Some days it feels much longer, but today, it feels as if we're still those overwhelmed yet deliriously happy- sleep deprived parents, bringing their sweet newborn baby home for the first time.

 

When we first found out we were having a boy, I was instantly worried about what I would do with a boy.  I was used to a girl, not only was I comfortable because of Bee, but I was a girl.  I knew how all the parts worked, and I think I have a pretty good idea of how the female brain works.  But BOYS.  Its a whole different ballgame.  (Did you notice the sport's reference?  I know, I'm pretty proud of myself!)

I was also very worried about changing a boy's diaper.  My dear Mother-in-law had laughingly regaled me with stories of how both of her boys had peed all over the walls and themselves.  My sisters have rambunctious boys and I had witnessed first hand potty training, tantrums, and random weird boy behaviours.  So far, other than having pee shot up at me while half asleep, it's been a lot smoother than I had anticipated. 

 

The first month and a half were a haze.  Jude was gassy and colicky; Bee was clingy and whiney.  Jude wouldn't sleep anywhere but in a vibrating bouncy chair and one of us had to bounce him to sleep.  Josh did have paternity leave which was amazing, but when he went back to work I thought I was going to lose it.  I'm going to sound like a horrible mom, but I basically let Bee watch TV whenever she wanted and fed her grilled cheese everyday.  Thank goodness I had a month's worth of dinner meals in the deep freeze thanks to my pregnancy nesting and some wonderful friends.  I was such a hot mess minus the hot.  I think I managed to shower once a week unless Cheryl was over visiting and then I'd dump Judah in her lap and retreat as fast as I could to the bathroom.  At night the kids would take turns waking each other up and on the weeks Josh was working I was getting maybe 4 hours a night if I was lucky.  I started resenting Josh, sending him angry texts while he was at work, about how I felt like he had the opportunity to get a full night's rest, while I was stuck at home doing all the hard work.  I longed to switch places with him.  To get away from the kids and go to a job where I could interact with other adults and not have a child hanging off me at all times. 

 

Thankfully it got easier.  Jude stopped screaming all the time and started to sleep in his crib, Bee started getting used to having another kid around, and we all got a little more sleep.  Our freezer meal stash ran out and I had to start actually cooking again, which surprisingly helped to clear the cobwebs out of my head. 

 

Now I don't dread the weeks Josh is working. It's still hard, but I know I can handle the kids.  There are days when we all stay in our PJs and do nothing but play, and I've come to realize that its ok.  It's ok to have a house that's not always picked up and swept.  And it's ok to have clean laundry sitting in the hampers for a week.  Well, maybe its not, but it happens.  And if Bee won't eat anything but peanut butter and honey sandwiches all day, at least she's eating something.

 

There are still growing pains and bumps in the road, but we're slowly adjusting and growing.  I love how Judah has made us change and how he's added so many wonderful attributes to our family. 

Some moments/images I don't think I'll ever forget:
 

1. the first time the little guy peed on me during a diaper change

2. the first sibling beat down, which included a hard headed doll being thrown at Jude's head

3. his squealing

4. the way his whole body laughs when he's tickled

5. the way he watches Bee

6. the warning hoot he gave my in-law's dog the first time he noticed her being too close for comfort

7. the way he looks when he sees, smiles, and reaches for me

8. the first time I put both kids in the tub together

9. how much he LOVES food

10. the day Josh plopped him in his Bumbo chair and stuck him in the wagon with Bee

11. his chubby thighs

 

 

All in all, it's been good.  Hard but good.  I like being a family of 4.